Things that amuse me.............

Well there are loads of things really, I find humour in most things, but have a passion for collecting particularly terrible jokes and then employing them at the appropriate time, like in conversation where I will hear what I like to call a 'key trigger word' which will immediately set off a neurological domino effect, in my head, this begins a process; for example I was just chatting with a work colleague (Hi Hels Bels), when she mentioned she was reading a really good book, (in my mind Key Trigger Word 'Book') now I have to employ this so the timing is effortless (which is a word I find impossible to say out loud it always ends up being effortlortless) and catches the participant completely off guard, so I say "oh yeah tell me some more about it", she then proceeds to tell me all about it, I sound all interested (while half listening, just in case it really does sound interesting) while plotting the perfect time to 'employ' the big hitter.................which in this example was "I've been reading a good one too lately, you'll love it.......it's about the history of Glue.................I couldn't put it down! then just sit back my friend and wait for the 'register' and that is the bit I find really amusing watching the 'register' then the visible sinking of the shoulders and huge groan...........

Hey my sandwich has just shouted me, can we continue this later?

...............what? oh yeah it was delicious thanks, chicken caesar salad baguette, I wonder if Caesar actually ate salad, I bet he wouldn't have had it on a baguette, aren't baguette's french? Wasn't Caesar italian? Wouldn't he have gone more for a ciabatta or something?....oh sorry! I am very easily distracted, you've probably noticed... in fact if there were exams for being easily distracted, a bit like there are exams for the stars they get in Macdonalds (they do you know, each star is like a different exam) well I'd probably be area manager by now. Anyhow stop getting me off the subject, I was driving to work this morning and I passed a sign saying 'The best hand wash and Polish you'll ever have' .................................at first I was just a bit critical, in fact I'm ashamed to say downright judgemental I thought that's just bad grammar and there was the word 'car' missing, then I got to thinking, maybe it was as good as it's word and maybe I was misreading the sign...............(bear with me here you can finish that in a minute) just suppose this was a new kind of business, new to this country anyway (the turkish have been at it for a while....baths I'm on about) , yes that could be it, it may have looked like it was an old petrol station, but perhaps the blokes with the buckets full of soapy water gave you a good lathering and then sent you off inside (to what used to be the shop) for your 'Polish' now I'm not sure what a 'Polish' is perhaps it's a bit like a brazillian. Trouble is in this country as you know Polish can be a cleaning chemical such as 'mr sheen' or more and more these days a Polish person such as 'Mr sheenski' Yes my friend this is very confusing perhaps we need to find some kind of solution.